I'm feeling light and floaty, full of hope and full of....a sense of letting go, control leaking out of my spine to rest with the flowers that grow in the spring...control of the past self, struggling so hard to survive in a world convinced of its own harshness and cruelty. I'm coming to believe in another way, the way that I've always known was there, and felt it in the edges of my perception, rolling hills and valleys full of sway, we begin to question the unknown and find trinkets of lost talismans of safety. Put them together and the old ways yield the new, and we become fuller and more prone to flowering.
I feel a deep resonance in my bones. A shivering, tendrils of light weaving down into me...doing the Rainbow Bridge meditation again, feeling it hold me gently in the arms of my soul. We need that soul magic right now. We need to remember that the times feel like they're rolling off a cliff but we're really rolling toward communion, reunion, the sound of the bells on the gates of morning. The gates of mourning...we must mourn the lost connections, fed by the stream of old shells, lives left in the shadows, we once more rise and introduce ourselves to our own knowing. We reintroduce ourselves to the wisdom in our veins. The past time calling like a crow on the wire, coming down and pecking at our overgrown hedges, telling us in tedium it's time to reignite the fire, the flame calls soul ringing down to the ground of our only palpable desire....to live again, full and fresh and fruiting, surrounded by time and the tides of surrendering, the mountains of change that roll slowly over the landscape of rain dropping down on our sinking fallacies...
We connect with lightness, with darkness, with shadow, with grace, the face of the mountain singing and ringing in space, the unseen becomes our necklace and we wear it with the truth of the promise it brings...falls about us in ribbons, lace and the time I took scissors to the dresses and then fell back through a hole in time to the beginning of the end and heard the weeping and felt the tear drops on my skin, hot as iron, soft as dust, I felt what was lost and what was so far from being redeemed....
But we are coming now to the crossroads of change, and it is strange, and it is tired, and it is time. It is fire and the rain brings life to the growing things and the sun reminds us of what we always knew was true. We always knew. We always knew. We always knew you in our bones, rhythming the welcome song, we always knew. Welcome home. We meet you where we are. Welcome in, the shining in our bones, calls us lost and passionately free.
That was Thursday's free writing, finished up today. I started it after I did half of an online Pilates workout and I felt so electric and alive in my body, electric and alive and trembly jelly. Now I'm feeling...sore and feeling sad at the lack of strength in my body. Feeling the pull to be different than I am. Trying to come back to now...dissociating. Need to do my dissociation homework. But first I need to get a few things out on here....
Feeling kind of sad these last few days, and very tired. Trying not to fight it. Fighting fighting it sometimes though, which doesn't help. Just....feeling very helpless sometimes. And it's bringing stuff up in me. Stuff about worthiness and work and not feeling like I can do things in any recognizable way and then wondering if there really is a way out there for me, even as I feel so deeply that there is, I know it, I KNOW it, I can feel it in my bones, I've always known. But sometimes it seems so far.
Tessa and I talked today about things that come up for them when they see other people doing work that is so much like ours. I have things too. It's come up with Turtle Tank a lot. And other things. Some part of me, the scared part, laments what feels like my inefficacy, my holding of these visions with what feels like so little to show for it, while others build things that can be seen...and I find myself wondering, maybe they got the same call that I did but they're actually doing it and I'm not, and it's too late for me. This is all zero-sum game capitalist free market competition thinking, I know. But it's tangled up in the rejection of my Projector wisdom, my vision, my knowing, my ways of working and being, and all of the misrecognitions that have come with that, since I was a child, and all of the wounds and traumas of that mix up with the pain of being sick for so long and having so little energy and having to be so internal while others could go out in the world and manifest things.
It's bitterness, and it reminds me of my mom's bitterness too, that she has about similar things. And it feels like it goes back in my lineage, back into the depths of antiquity and the original woundings of my foremothers. forefathers. One of those two words has the red spellcheck line underneath and one of them doesn't. Guess which one? And there's another wound.
I love you Isabella. I love the work that you do for the Mother. I feel her pain in me, and that pain is so holy and wholly necessary. And needs to be recognized in order to be redeemed, and the masculine must feel it and feel their part in it and feel it in them. And you're holding that bridge, that line of connection open. Which is so hard. I am too, in a different way. Between Shakti and the Void and maos. Painful, and our wounds are all interlocking, interwoven traumas, dealt to us in our sacrifice, our effort to rearrange the cosmos and reorder the past and begin again. And we're doing it. But it was so, so hard.
I moved some deep grief in my lungs this morning and felt an indescribably longing for my mao. An existential pain that went right to edge of unbearable. I felt how some part of me has been bearing it for my whole life, and beyond. And I said to him, "I don't think I can take this for much longer," and I felt the truth of that...also knowing that I'll take it for as long as I have to, to get the job done that I came here to do...but I heard him say, "you won't have to." And then he said, "I'm sending my emissary/your brother to you" (I heard both, at the same time) and "he'll be here in a month, give or take a few weeks". And I was like...wait really?? And he said it again. So now I'm being with that, with wanting to believe, and my fear and my skepticism, and also some part of me that...really truly does believe it, in a comfortable knowing sort of way. And I'm trying to dwell into that.
It's very interesting. We'll see. But I also feel like whether or not it happens in that time frame isn't the point. It feels like what's important right now is how I be with my doubt, and how I be with my believe, and how far I'm willing to let myself believe.
When I was in the HBOT today, I woke up from a trance-like dream state, and tried to hold onto the visions I was having...they were about Altcorp, and everything we're synthesizing right now, all three of us together (and beyond), everything you were writing about in your blog post Isabella, the course you're taking, the way you're synthesizing the Altcorp vision into your life and your mao work with the online course and everything coming together....the way the different threads that we're working on are weaving into each other more and more strongly...I was having a vision of us holding the space for a vast global network of kittens, holding and balancing and weaving the threads together into a coherent whole that could benefit all of its parts and I could FEEL it, I was really there with it in this deep visioning trance state...it's coming together. And all of the world events right now, the pandemic, the election, it's all part of it too. It's all part of a vast coming together of so many plans long laid and set in motion...and we are here at the cusp of it, about to embark on the wildest journey of our lives. I feel it all. I see it. It's coming. It's here. It's all in the threads that are already present, weaving together, following the flow, the fault lines, moving and making changes, everything rearranges us and we rearrange everything until we are dancing together in the song we sang at the beginning the worlds are woken into presence and we can finally be free and whole and remember who we are. Together. Yes!
<3 Alia
Showing posts with label Altcorp. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Altcorp. Show all posts
Saturday, April 11, 2020
Tail swishing feral kitten trying not to bite myself...
There are watercolor clouds above the horizon, periwinkle blue and pink and lilac, and I watch crows land in the bushy, wide-girthed, earth mother tree that mushrooms out of the concrete, protecting our block.
My mao came today on a walk with us. I didn't know he was going to, and I guess A didn't either, but then walking to the gate he was all like "so, tell me about how you've been feeling," and I knew.
Processing deeply. Trying to sit with and bring kind patience to the parts in me that have felt so isolated and misrecognized, and respond like a feral animal to the proposal of collaboration. It's hard to feel this caged part of myself, because while the rest of me exalts at the idea of Altcorp and working with kittens, when it feels more real and immediate, as it does now, that feral part of me hisses and paradoxically wants to keep my distance.
It tells me that people have always hurt me and that it's no good to try to collaborate with them because they won't see me. That others are doing the work already and I'll be overlooked, drained, and unappreciated.
When it's up like this, I literally feel annoyed by the news that anyone is out there doing the work. Because it immediately ricochets back to "why am I not out there? why don't I get to?"
I have been trying to tell this wounded part that I hear what it's saying, and I know it's been trying to protect me. Sometimes it's hard, because I feel ashamed that part of me could feel like it, as if the Plan could be an isolated endeavor. But my mao tells me it's okay. That the path has been hard but that it'll get better, and I'm working through it. He says I know I am. I do know. These weeks have felt like an acceleration, a heightening of the inner work I've been doing for years, at once exciting and also super annoying.
It makes it almost easy to believe maos when they say that A's brother is coming in a month's time. Because that is what they've been saying (!).
Also, my mao affirms the Projector truths, says that we are meant to do glorious things, and that we don't need to make those things happen, they will come to us. He said that we are magnetic points for an interlocking system that is coming into being. For the "workers of the world" who will come to its call.
When he says things like this, hope rises in me and the hurting, grinding places come to a temporary halt, and I feel such a sense of ease. It's exhausting to fight with myself all the time, to resist these possibilities because of the resistance that's been planted in me, the capitalist and generator lies. The model minority striving that says - nothing is easy. Nothing comes that isn't hard-won. You have to take things into your own hands and beat the tremendous odds. Those things fall away for a moment, and there is a stillness of knowing another way.
Yet I am afraid that accepting this vision of ease & of calling kittens to us, would come out of egotism, which in turn comes out of the pain of not being seen. I.e. how do I know that when I feel the longing to lead that it's my path, vs. my wounded parts desperately trying to be worthy, and better-than? I am trying to be conscious of that pain of unworthiness in me, and work through it, and heal it.
This is my way of saying, Isabella, that I'm really excited about everything you wrote about in your last post. And also some of the things have been bringing up resistances and discomfort within me, and I'm trying to meet those things with love, and not shut them down. My mao says I should talk to you about it. But it does feel intense, because of that lingering inner judgment that I "shouldn't" feel these things. So this is my compromise - writing here, knowing you'll read it.
<3 Tessa
My mao came today on a walk with us. I didn't know he was going to, and I guess A didn't either, but then walking to the gate he was all like "so, tell me about how you've been feeling," and I knew.
Processing deeply. Trying to sit with and bring kind patience to the parts in me that have felt so isolated and misrecognized, and respond like a feral animal to the proposal of collaboration. It's hard to feel this caged part of myself, because while the rest of me exalts at the idea of Altcorp and working with kittens, when it feels more real and immediate, as it does now, that feral part of me hisses and paradoxically wants to keep my distance.
It tells me that people have always hurt me and that it's no good to try to collaborate with them because they won't see me. That others are doing the work already and I'll be overlooked, drained, and unappreciated.
When it's up like this, I literally feel annoyed by the news that anyone is out there doing the work. Because it immediately ricochets back to "why am I not out there? why don't I get to?"
I have been trying to tell this wounded part that I hear what it's saying, and I know it's been trying to protect me. Sometimes it's hard, because I feel ashamed that part of me could feel like it, as if the Plan could be an isolated endeavor. But my mao tells me it's okay. That the path has been hard but that it'll get better, and I'm working through it. He says I know I am. I do know. These weeks have felt like an acceleration, a heightening of the inner work I've been doing for years, at once exciting and also super annoying.
It makes it almost easy to believe maos when they say that A's brother is coming in a month's time. Because that is what they've been saying (!).
Also, my mao affirms the Projector truths, says that we are meant to do glorious things, and that we don't need to make those things happen, they will come to us. He said that we are magnetic points for an interlocking system that is coming into being. For the "workers of the world" who will come to its call.
When he says things like this, hope rises in me and the hurting, grinding places come to a temporary halt, and I feel such a sense of ease. It's exhausting to fight with myself all the time, to resist these possibilities because of the resistance that's been planted in me, the capitalist and generator lies. The model minority striving that says - nothing is easy. Nothing comes that isn't hard-won. You have to take things into your own hands and beat the tremendous odds. Those things fall away for a moment, and there is a stillness of knowing another way.
Yet I am afraid that accepting this vision of ease & of calling kittens to us, would come out of egotism, which in turn comes out of the pain of not being seen. I.e. how do I know that when I feel the longing to lead that it's my path, vs. my wounded parts desperately trying to be worthy, and better-than? I am trying to be conscious of that pain of unworthiness in me, and work through it, and heal it.
This is my way of saying, Isabella, that I'm really excited about everything you wrote about in your last post. And also some of the things have been bringing up resistances and discomfort within me, and I'm trying to meet those things with love, and not shut them down. My mao says I should talk to you about it. But it does feel intense, because of that lingering inner judgment that I "shouldn't" feel these things. So this is my compromise - writing here, knowing you'll read it.
<3 Tessa
 |
| the view from our window when I started writing today... |
Doing a little journaling, grounding with the triangle
ahhhhhhh! Coming off of the Ritual as Justice, cultural somatics class. Just feeling so many things. Grounding
savoring it, feeling drawn to move into this space, to continue the community. Virtual community!
I am having an amazing feeling/relation with virtual community right now, that I have to explore both to revel in the awe of it, and also understand it since it is something I would love to create sometime for restorying the root but even so much more.
This was the first online course I have ever taken and I am thankful it was this one. We started with with really honoring the land, land acknowledgments that lead into a group ritual of moving into our bodies, connecting to the land through the body, recognizing the Earth has a personality (eeee!) recognizing the Earth has a belly (eeee!) and then we talked to her. We were guided to connect with the Mother, and then held a nice long space of loving her, recognizing her, honoring her, and being just where we were in our unique relation with her, and holding loving relation with that.
I saw her just as I saw her last night working with KH and SK, as a giant eye staring back at me, receiving me as I had cried out her own pain, our collective pain, and then I shared that with KH, and felt our reciprocal connection. Grounding him, into her, connecting them. It was amazing for me to feel then today seeing her the same way, connecting to her again within me, and grounding with a group of people virtually. People I was sure in my held belief system who are really there, since I see them on a screen. I was like whoa! its just like talking with maos! It is feeling like the same thing. Sharing this virtual space in a somatic way. I felt I was connecting and grounding my experiences with maos, into this group class, centered all around community care, ancestral wellness, with a lens of social justice and somatic wisdom. Felt so beautiful. I could sense everyone also rooting into the earth together in this virtual class, and we talked about the cultural bodies. All of these different cultural bodies, being really one body, but split up divided, relating to one another as they evolved, creating different attachment styles. It felt so beautiful to hear this perspective of cultural bodies relating to one another via this lens of poly vagal theory, it felt hopeful then that our cultural body, pushing pulling on one another, in all of our ancestral baggage could resolve. I felt this because it was happening in this ritual container in this group. And my desire I have had for so long, of being in a community of like minded being, but coming from so many different patterns, were coming together sharing space. amazed still to feel community, in a virtual space..and how it feels so connected to the astral community I hold with maos.
We talked about the peaks and valleys of spiritual experiences. I am learning a lot! PDR patterns, how they are in everything, this cycling, and how when we understand it better, we begin to develop the skills to to balance our inspiration and heightened peak experiences, into the mundane. A juicy class, we looked at this in our inner lives, personal relations, and then in terms of social justice. Which felt really healing to the collective body, helped break some of these patterns of self hatred, insecure attachment with my ancestors, with this whole culture into one of saying oh ok, I can digest this, we as a culture are learning to digest our experiences. I was even feeling it dip into April's Harter's perspective...this class helped me fan out, and ground in, to radical work about healing through all of the lenses that are all really connected. I think because we were set up, and held to feel the under laying connection of all of us, of all things. Still taking it in...
Feeling good about our work. At first I was worried about taking the class, because it is so similar to so much I want to offer and how I see things or how we have together dreamed up restorying the root.. I mean in the mediation we even even felt our roots, imagining us as a forest, all connecting, and connecting to the larger bodies that hold us, and the Earth, like maos...I was worried about comparing and contrasting myself, and where I am, not feeling ready to offer my gifts or presence publicly, feeling inadequate, but I did not feel that. I felt so happy to be held, I felt validated, recognized, I felt my relationship with community being healed, I feel healing. I just feel healing, and it feels really good.It feels so good to feel someone else hold space for me, and to just...heal. To know what it is like to just....receive and be held. And it is not something I feel very used to.
Most of the time in kinds of workshops, I feel its hard to relax and just receive, let myself be guided, something in me the teacher/facilitator in me is vigilant. As if it is hard to trust others holding space for me. It feels like that any time I get body work as well, the times where I have let my guard down, i have bee touched in ways that that over stimulated my body, and the healer/ body worker did not know what to do. I dont know the way this class was facilitated, welcomed our bodies wisdom and broke up teacher/student facilitator/ attendee in such a way I just felt present and open. Seen even when I was not exactly, recognized even when I was getting no validation from anyone else there....savoring it..going huh...just so happy to receive that modeled back to me and feeling inspired. But also just...still happy to receive it. Some day in my peaks and valleys of evolution I will rise to feel ok now its time and I feel I want to hold space, I feel I want to do workshops, I want to be a teacher, I am ready. And I am meeting that person, that me in time right now simply by receiving a good teaching in a held community. ahh yes.
I am in such a yin space just..in my life evolution, it can be hard to see myself as a teacher, or even working in alt corp. It has been hard to relate to, I do not feel I am holding this fire yang, externalized, yes I want this energy, And that is ok right now. And that is what is so important in this triangle, in our group, in our relations with maos, in our different modes of being and placement in the wholearchy. We do not all have to hold that, we are all perfectly holding what we need to as we relate in group. That is also what I am learning in cultural somatics, the beauty of the individual and the group and group dynamics. And it makes me feel like right now..wow we as a group in this blog are holding a nucleus..and holding it with different maos as well, coming together, exchanging our seed information, creating some heat movement, and starting to grow, then we are going to start magnetizing more people, more energy...when it is time..when we have the capacity to hold it. And I kind of feel like ya'll are really holding that down as well, starting to externalize and magnetize community, holding this fire with maos, holding the dream of alt corp. And then you drew me, and I am feeling totally gelled. We have been synthesizing for a while now, growing up together, gestating.
And the Earth is getting ready I can feel it. This course I am taking only proves it to me as well, oh people are getting ready, we got the healers and seers, sensitive on it, we got the community builders, activists on it, we are all starting to work together now as the world systems crumble. Oh Alt corp is bigger than we know, its happening in many bodies all over the world, maybe our offering will be an out cropping of it, that draws people but then we may find somewhere in the world another out cropping and then another and they will all start growing together, all start weaving together into a new culture. That is what I am feeling right now. And it is really helping me, become closer to maos, helping their energy bridge into the mother, which is not always easy, she does not always want it, we have to work on consent, but we are shifting those old patterns of hurt, and failure, even from other world systems we have evolved from..and we are picking up speed. Finally making that secure attachment between the energy of the spiritual wholearchy, its kittens and the Mother, the Earth plane, the devic kingdom, finally we are learning to work together, and finally we are picking this Earth up moving it into its new cycle. And that feels GOOD!
ok that was my rant, connecting my womb, my heart, my evolving throat center, my mind my soul to this work, this group and to our evolving work together in the form of alt corp :)
Also feeling so excited to integrate this cultural somatic work with the esoteric wisdom passed down from maos, to humanity via HPB and other kittens. This held knowing/framework of the evolution of the world/humanity. Excited to work more with maos in integrating it and making it available in a new way, externalizing it again in a way that is more palpable for our times, maybe further grounding it, weaving into human consciousness. Yay! And most of all integrating it with the Mother in a way that really feels good to Her, and really nourishes the connection with our bodies.
savoring it, feeling drawn to move into this space, to continue the community. Virtual community!
I am having an amazing feeling/relation with virtual community right now, that I have to explore both to revel in the awe of it, and also understand it since it is something I would love to create sometime for restorying the root but even so much more.
This was the first online course I have ever taken and I am thankful it was this one. We started with with really honoring the land, land acknowledgments that lead into a group ritual of moving into our bodies, connecting to the land through the body, recognizing the Earth has a personality (eeee!) recognizing the Earth has a belly (eeee!) and then we talked to her. We were guided to connect with the Mother, and then held a nice long space of loving her, recognizing her, honoring her, and being just where we were in our unique relation with her, and holding loving relation with that.
I saw her just as I saw her last night working with KH and SK, as a giant eye staring back at me, receiving me as I had cried out her own pain, our collective pain, and then I shared that with KH, and felt our reciprocal connection. Grounding him, into her, connecting them. It was amazing for me to feel then today seeing her the same way, connecting to her again within me, and grounding with a group of people virtually. People I was sure in my held belief system who are really there, since I see them on a screen. I was like whoa! its just like talking with maos! It is feeling like the same thing. Sharing this virtual space in a somatic way. I felt I was connecting and grounding my experiences with maos, into this group class, centered all around community care, ancestral wellness, with a lens of social justice and somatic wisdom. Felt so beautiful. I could sense everyone also rooting into the earth together in this virtual class, and we talked about the cultural bodies. All of these different cultural bodies, being really one body, but split up divided, relating to one another as they evolved, creating different attachment styles. It felt so beautiful to hear this perspective of cultural bodies relating to one another via this lens of poly vagal theory, it felt hopeful then that our cultural body, pushing pulling on one another, in all of our ancestral baggage could resolve. I felt this because it was happening in this ritual container in this group. And my desire I have had for so long, of being in a community of like minded being, but coming from so many different patterns, were coming together sharing space. amazed still to feel community, in a virtual space..and how it feels so connected to the astral community I hold with maos.
We talked about the peaks and valleys of spiritual experiences. I am learning a lot! PDR patterns, how they are in everything, this cycling, and how when we understand it better, we begin to develop the skills to to balance our inspiration and heightened peak experiences, into the mundane. A juicy class, we looked at this in our inner lives, personal relations, and then in terms of social justice. Which felt really healing to the collective body, helped break some of these patterns of self hatred, insecure attachment with my ancestors, with this whole culture into one of saying oh ok, I can digest this, we as a culture are learning to digest our experiences. I was even feeling it dip into April's Harter's perspective...this class helped me fan out, and ground in, to radical work about healing through all of the lenses that are all really connected. I think because we were set up, and held to feel the under laying connection of all of us, of all things. Still taking it in...
Feeling good about our work. At first I was worried about taking the class, because it is so similar to so much I want to offer and how I see things or how we have together dreamed up restorying the root.. I mean in the mediation we even even felt our roots, imagining us as a forest, all connecting, and connecting to the larger bodies that hold us, and the Earth, like maos...I was worried about comparing and contrasting myself, and where I am, not feeling ready to offer my gifts or presence publicly, feeling inadequate, but I did not feel that. I felt so happy to be held, I felt validated, recognized, I felt my relationship with community being healed, I feel healing. I just feel healing, and it feels really good.It feels so good to feel someone else hold space for me, and to just...heal. To know what it is like to just....receive and be held. And it is not something I feel very used to.
Most of the time in kinds of workshops, I feel its hard to relax and just receive, let myself be guided, something in me the teacher/facilitator in me is vigilant. As if it is hard to trust others holding space for me. It feels like that any time I get body work as well, the times where I have let my guard down, i have bee touched in ways that that over stimulated my body, and the healer/ body worker did not know what to do. I dont know the way this class was facilitated, welcomed our bodies wisdom and broke up teacher/student facilitator/ attendee in such a way I just felt present and open. Seen even when I was not exactly, recognized even when I was getting no validation from anyone else there....savoring it..going huh...just so happy to receive that modeled back to me and feeling inspired. But also just...still happy to receive it. Some day in my peaks and valleys of evolution I will rise to feel ok now its time and I feel I want to hold space, I feel I want to do workshops, I want to be a teacher, I am ready. And I am meeting that person, that me in time right now simply by receiving a good teaching in a held community. ahh yes.
I am in such a yin space just..in my life evolution, it can be hard to see myself as a teacher, or even working in alt corp. It has been hard to relate to, I do not feel I am holding this fire yang, externalized, yes I want this energy, And that is ok right now. And that is what is so important in this triangle, in our group, in our relations with maos, in our different modes of being and placement in the wholearchy. We do not all have to hold that, we are all perfectly holding what we need to as we relate in group. That is also what I am learning in cultural somatics, the beauty of the individual and the group and group dynamics. And it makes me feel like right now..wow we as a group in this blog are holding a nucleus..and holding it with different maos as well, coming together, exchanging our seed information, creating some heat movement, and starting to grow, then we are going to start magnetizing more people, more energy...when it is time..when we have the capacity to hold it. And I kind of feel like ya'll are really holding that down as well, starting to externalize and magnetize community, holding this fire with maos, holding the dream of alt corp. And then you drew me, and I am feeling totally gelled. We have been synthesizing for a while now, growing up together, gestating.
And the Earth is getting ready I can feel it. This course I am taking only proves it to me as well, oh people are getting ready, we got the healers and seers, sensitive on it, we got the community builders, activists on it, we are all starting to work together now as the world systems crumble. Oh Alt corp is bigger than we know, its happening in many bodies all over the world, maybe our offering will be an out cropping of it, that draws people but then we may find somewhere in the world another out cropping and then another and they will all start growing together, all start weaving together into a new culture. That is what I am feeling right now. And it is really helping me, become closer to maos, helping their energy bridge into the mother, which is not always easy, she does not always want it, we have to work on consent, but we are shifting those old patterns of hurt, and failure, even from other world systems we have evolved from..and we are picking up speed. Finally making that secure attachment between the energy of the spiritual wholearchy, its kittens and the Mother, the Earth plane, the devic kingdom, finally we are learning to work together, and finally we are picking this Earth up moving it into its new cycle. And that feels GOOD!
ok that was my rant, connecting my womb, my heart, my evolving throat center, my mind my soul to this work, this group and to our evolving work together in the form of alt corp :)
Also feeling so excited to integrate this cultural somatic work with the esoteric wisdom passed down from maos, to humanity via HPB and other kittens. This held knowing/framework of the evolution of the world/humanity. Excited to work more with maos in integrating it and making it available in a new way, externalizing it again in a way that is more palpable for our times, maybe further grounding it, weaving into human consciousness. Yay! And most of all integrating it with the Mother in a way that really feels good to Her, and really nourishes the connection with our bodies.
Monday, April 6, 2020
Yay Projector magics & inviting each other. Also, musings on a structure of flow.
Hi lovels, this blog is off to an amazing start, and I'm so happy that it's nourishing us all in needed ways. I'm excited to see what continues to emerge as we follow our threads and weave them together.
Fenix sent me an amazing article about Projector magic, and here's what the author says about Projectors interacting with each other:
The other thing the article talks about is how Projectors who are truly living their strategy are the causes of envy from every other type, because everything in our lives just flows. Things supposedly just "come our way" and we don't have to work for it or struggle for it like everyone else.
I definitely struggle to integrate this idea, partially because of my conditioning lol (life = ALL the struggles), and partially because of the whitewashing / transcendent glamour that I often see attached to Human Design people. But I do think there is an element of ease in there that is possible for us to find a way to. An element of de-conditioning ourselves from all the misrecognition we've gotten from generators our whole lives about what they think we should be doing / how they think we should do it.
Reading the article actually led me to go down a Human Design rabbit hole, and I've been steeping in resources about Projector design and wisdom and strategy. One podcast was talking about how it's easy for us to feel bad because we can't work "as much" as other types, but then she pointed out how deeply Projectors penetrate into Generator energy, really the energy of this planet, and how we literally are taking it into ourselves to understand and organize it. And the person was like, "no wonder we're tired! No wonder we can't work for more than a couple hours each day!"
*Sends recognition sparkles to all of us*
Honestly, I've been trying to write this blog post for three days now, lol, and I think my perfectionist tendencies have been kicking in, plus just feeling the heaviness, the resistance, of the energies right now. (It's almost the Full Moon, according to the Pattern app.)
So here is a visual depiction of "Structure for Flow", our tentative name for my future Altcorp department:
And when I saw it, this recognition dawned on me. Of context. So I reposted it with these words:
For example, the way you work with trauma healing, Isabella, which is not accredited or diploma'd by any institution (except the mao institution, hehe), but is so much more informed and holistic and loving than the vast majority of most therapists' understandings of these thing. I was just talking to Aaron and Porsha (the Holistic Resistance peeps! We're chatting every week now) about that, how you are the one I call when I need help working through intense activation.
And Aaron was talking about his radical project on "chronic undertouch" and with Black boys learning to heal their embodied experiences and come into community with each other. And he was like, when you mention therapy, the average Black dude on the street thinks of sitting on a couch across from a white woman wearing glasses. But what about a Black boy who heals in community for years who goes out and touches the lives of 30 other Black boys, who might otherwise be lost to poverty and criminal networks that prey on poverty, but who instead come back into connection with themselves and their potential? Is that not trauma healing? What is that, compared with these sterile offices with therapists sitting in armchairs?
Sitting with all this, breathing in the deep recognition, the way kittens are helping truth penetrate through the fog of illusions. The spells cast around society, their tenuous hold finally breaking as they fall away. It will take a network. A whole multifaceted community. To pull through and enact the structures of meaning that we deserve. That's my dream. A world where everyone can access the resources that they need. And I don't just mean the things we're fighting for politically now - healthcare, housing, etc. Those things are still happening in a mechanized context, and addressing material needs. If we all have secure housing and access to MD's... then what? We need care, belonging, community, loving relationships, meaningful work that heals our hearts. Let's co-create the context where this can happen - indeed, can replace the context we live in now.
Okay, now I'm seeing it. Structure of flow... literally, building structures where Love can flow through unimpeded. Well alrighty then. :)
<3Tessa
Fenix sent me an amazing article about Projector magic, and here's what the author says about Projectors interacting with each other:
"When we Projectors interact with and guide each other, we can be brilliant mirrors for each other in any kind of partnership - Parent/Child, Student/Teacher, Friends, Lovers, Business, etc.
As Projectors, we need to learn to wait for the recognition that we are designed for. Remember you can invite each other as a Projector - use your Authority!"I feel like our triangle has done this beautifully for each other, and this blog is the newest iteration of how we can continue to support, interact with, and guide each other. <3
The other thing the article talks about is how Projectors who are truly living their strategy are the causes of envy from every other type, because everything in our lives just flows. Things supposedly just "come our way" and we don't have to work for it or struggle for it like everyone else.
I definitely struggle to integrate this idea, partially because of my conditioning lol (life = ALL the struggles), and partially because of the whitewashing / transcendent glamour that I often see attached to Human Design people. But I do think there is an element of ease in there that is possible for us to find a way to. An element of de-conditioning ourselves from all the misrecognition we've gotten from generators our whole lives about what they think we should be doing / how they think we should do it.
Reading the article actually led me to go down a Human Design rabbit hole, and I've been steeping in resources about Projector design and wisdom and strategy. One podcast was talking about how it's easy for us to feel bad because we can't work "as much" as other types, but then she pointed out how deeply Projectors penetrate into Generator energy, really the energy of this planet, and how we literally are taking it into ourselves to understand and organize it. And the person was like, "no wonder we're tired! No wonder we can't work for more than a couple hours each day!"
*Sends recognition sparkles to all of us*
Honestly, I've been trying to write this blog post for three days now, lol, and I think my perfectionist tendencies have been kicking in, plus just feeling the heaviness, the resistance, of the energies right now. (It's almost the Full Moon, according to the Pattern app.)
So here is a visual depiction of "Structure for Flow", our tentative name for my future Altcorp department:
A and I have been talking about what my department even is. Because the other ones - Inner Alchemy and SCT - are pretty straightforward, at least as categories. But what is Structure for Flow? It's Education and Research, yes. But it really is the mental component of all the Altcorp work, the stuff that identifies patterns in each of the other departments' work and organizes it and articulates it, creating both internal cohesion and also building a bridge to the outside world. I think of it as the creation of the briefs that we're going to share, the presentations we'll make, the training programs we'll run. The curriculum of how SCT and Inner Alchemy work. The consulting. Heh.
*Feels gleeful about it, though also wistful, because I want it now.* I mean, I am doing a mini version of it now. We're all working on it.
One of the ways I find myself doing this work is by organically and alchemically integrating bits of research that I see happening out in the world. This article, about the capitalist systems that produced Covid-19, is one example, which I want to say more about, but it's quite a dense piece, and is in the process of being translated by a poetic visionary writer. Hers is the writing that I'm truly interested in.
This is another example that I found via FB the other day:
"The learning we are doing now is the learning chronically ill & marginalized folx have always done, in the slow times, through suffering and discomfort, on behalf of Everyone, without thanks or recognition. It is deeply necessary and time more people caught up with the “curriculum”.Trust me to quote myself, lol. But I find the slipstream of collective attention fascinating, illuminating what people are thinking about in this time. And using pieces of that info to push against, to contextualize what is important to point out, the underlying patterns of what we three have been working on, towards the creation of Altcorp. Which will be at last a representation in the mainstream of what really matters, including ways of thinking and doing that are completely different to what has been privileged up until this point.
For example, the way you work with trauma healing, Isabella, which is not accredited or diploma'd by any institution (except the mao institution, hehe), but is so much more informed and holistic and loving than the vast majority of most therapists' understandings of these thing. I was just talking to Aaron and Porsha (the Holistic Resistance peeps! We're chatting every week now) about that, how you are the one I call when I need help working through intense activation.
And Aaron was talking about his radical project on "chronic undertouch" and with Black boys learning to heal their embodied experiences and come into community with each other. And he was like, when you mention therapy, the average Black dude on the street thinks of sitting on a couch across from a white woman wearing glasses. But what about a Black boy who heals in community for years who goes out and touches the lives of 30 other Black boys, who might otherwise be lost to poverty and criminal networks that prey on poverty, but who instead come back into connection with themselves and their potential? Is that not trauma healing? What is that, compared with these sterile offices with therapists sitting in armchairs?
Sitting with all this, breathing in the deep recognition, the way kittens are helping truth penetrate through the fog of illusions. The spells cast around society, their tenuous hold finally breaking as they fall away. It will take a network. A whole multifaceted community. To pull through and enact the structures of meaning that we deserve. That's my dream. A world where everyone can access the resources that they need. And I don't just mean the things we're fighting for politically now - healthcare, housing, etc. Those things are still happening in a mechanized context, and addressing material needs. If we all have secure housing and access to MD's... then what? We need care, belonging, community, loving relationships, meaningful work that heals our hearts. Let's co-create the context where this can happen - indeed, can replace the context we live in now.
Okay, now I'm seeing it. Structure of flow... literally, building structures where Love can flow through unimpeded. Well alrighty then. :)
<3Tessa
Friday, April 3, 2020
Altcorp Starts Now
How do we tie together everything we’re doing? Core Philosophy and Working Softer and Rituals of Remembrance (just made that name up, I think it’s awesome :D). Restorying the Root is also part of this, so let’s think about that too. And anti-capitalist marketing strategies, however we end up weaving those in.
What connects all these?
The first thing that comes to my mind is: they are all reaching for paradigm shifts, for Another Way. That’s a concept I’ve long felt a connection to, because my name in latin means Another, and Alia Via means Another Way.
I’m feeling like this might be the direction we want to go, or at least an umbrella concept we can use to tie everything together. Another World Is Possible, that kind of thing...and how can we each contribute to building that new world, in our own individual and collective ways? Through knowing our Core Philosophies, our core services that we can offer as individuals, and bringing those gifts together in community Rituals of Remembrance (remembering who we are, what our gifts are, why they matter), while making sure to dismantle practices of systemic oppression through Working Softer, Restorying the Root, and Reaching for Connection as a marketing strategy. Ummmm yes!
And SCT ties into this through the Rituals of Remembrance, we bring SCT principles to life through ritual, and use rituals that are themselves SCT experiences to co-create SCT stories we can put out into the world...and we weave trauma literacy and trauma healing into everything we do.
What do you two think about all that? I’m really seeing that all of our work is connected, and Tessa I think that one of the things we’re running into in not feeling clear about our Core Philosophy work is that it’s actually much bigger than just that, it’s connected to this WHOLE THING, which we’ve known but I think haven’t fully embraced in a concrete, running-our-business sort of way.
And Isabella, our work with you, and Tessa and your work with Restorying the Root, is absolutely an essential part of this. You are our business partner too! In your own way, in a way that feels good and resonant. We all need each other to do this.
And Tessa, I’m realizing as I write this that our whole business up until this point has been us dipping our toes into externalization, and trying to find ways to convince ourselves that we can actually put our real work out into the world. And now I think it’s time. It’s time to recognize that what we’re creating here, right now, with THIS business that we’re running, is….Altcorp. It’s the really, truly the beginning of Altcorp, which means that in order to actually do it, we need to recognize that and lean into it fully. It’s not just Core Philosophy. It’s not just anti-capitalist marketing. It’s not just Working Softer and Restorying the Root. All of these things are ONE THING: and that thing is our business. We need to look up from the details and see the whole picture.
I know it feels a little overwhelming to think of it that way, which is why we’ve needed to warm up to it sort of piece-meal and one thing at a time. But I think we’re not only ready, the world is becoming ready. The world needs ALL of us, everything that we have to give, and they need us to start putting it together into a coherent externalized vision right now. And we can do it. We have that capacity. We have everything we need. And it will actually really HELP us to see this all as a whole, and to brand it under the umbrella of Finding Another Way.
And we can start laying our our vision, all the different parts of it and what they entail, and we can use THAT to start scheduling our time and finding ways to use it wisely. Because we’ll be excited about that. We’ll know why it’s important. We’ll know that everything we’re doing is DIRECTLY connected to our larger vision for changing the world. The time is now.
And we will lay the foundations of Altcorp, and we will start by producing bite-sized, experiential pieces of our vision that can make us money now and be the foundation of our business. OUR REAL BUSINESS, the one we have always been working up to. That’s what it’s always been. That's what it is now.
Alright yes! Let’s get ready to rumble!!!
And Isabella, I think we need your input as we sketch out this Altcorp roadmap and look at how all these different pieces come together. And I would LOVE to have all three of us brainstorm and explore and talk about how we could start weaving in regularly scheduled time to work on externalizing these things that most matter to us.
This blog is actually an important piece of it, I think. We need to be tuned into to each other’s needs and feelings and wants and day-to-day lives. Then we can start seeing how we can build supportive structures around manifesting our dreams.
And trauma work is a HUGE part of it - all three of us need to understand and communicate with each other about our specific trauma patterns around work, productivity, doing, money, etc...and we need to learn to recognize the ways that our trauma patterns trigger each other and find ways to gently work with them. Working Softer is so much about all that, so I would offer that maybe, in a regularly scheduled situation, we should start from a Work Softer place, exploring and working on that, and using that as our foundation for figuring out how to do everything else. And Restorying the Root, too - I’m realizing that these two things are actually much more foundational for our entire vision than how we’ve been treating them. The Root is the literal foundation! Of course we have to start there!
Mmmmmmm yessss this is gonna be so good
Also, I think that is the three of us were all on board with some kind of regular working together schedule, founded on a deep place of honoring our needs and nourishing us, it could feel really joyful and pleasurable to connect and work in this way, and that would be us putting into practice Work Softer principles and reaping the awesome benefits - which would give us more and more to work with in helping other people.
This is it, y’all! Let’s rise to the occasion, root into the soil of our beings, and GET TO WORK in the nicest most wonderful sustainable nourishing way we can possibly imagine <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Love from maos and Alia! Lolll
What connects all these?
The first thing that comes to my mind is: they are all reaching for paradigm shifts, for Another Way. That’s a concept I’ve long felt a connection to, because my name in latin means Another, and Alia Via means Another Way.
I’m feeling like this might be the direction we want to go, or at least an umbrella concept we can use to tie everything together. Another World Is Possible, that kind of thing...and how can we each contribute to building that new world, in our own individual and collective ways? Through knowing our Core Philosophies, our core services that we can offer as individuals, and bringing those gifts together in community Rituals of Remembrance (remembering who we are, what our gifts are, why they matter), while making sure to dismantle practices of systemic oppression through Working Softer, Restorying the Root, and Reaching for Connection as a marketing strategy. Ummmm yes!
And SCT ties into this through the Rituals of Remembrance, we bring SCT principles to life through ritual, and use rituals that are themselves SCT experiences to co-create SCT stories we can put out into the world...and we weave trauma literacy and trauma healing into everything we do.
What do you two think about all that? I’m really seeing that all of our work is connected, and Tessa I think that one of the things we’re running into in not feeling clear about our Core Philosophy work is that it’s actually much bigger than just that, it’s connected to this WHOLE THING, which we’ve known but I think haven’t fully embraced in a concrete, running-our-business sort of way.
And Isabella, our work with you, and Tessa and your work with Restorying the Root, is absolutely an essential part of this. You are our business partner too! In your own way, in a way that feels good and resonant. We all need each other to do this.
And Tessa, I’m realizing as I write this that our whole business up until this point has been us dipping our toes into externalization, and trying to find ways to convince ourselves that we can actually put our real work out into the world. And now I think it’s time. It’s time to recognize that what we’re creating here, right now, with THIS business that we’re running, is….Altcorp. It’s the really, truly the beginning of Altcorp, which means that in order to actually do it, we need to recognize that and lean into it fully. It’s not just Core Philosophy. It’s not just anti-capitalist marketing. It’s not just Working Softer and Restorying the Root. All of these things are ONE THING: and that thing is our business. We need to look up from the details and see the whole picture.
I know it feels a little overwhelming to think of it that way, which is why we’ve needed to warm up to it sort of piece-meal and one thing at a time. But I think we’re not only ready, the world is becoming ready. The world needs ALL of us, everything that we have to give, and they need us to start putting it together into a coherent externalized vision right now. And we can do it. We have that capacity. We have everything we need. And it will actually really HELP us to see this all as a whole, and to brand it under the umbrella of Finding Another Way.
And we can start laying our our vision, all the different parts of it and what they entail, and we can use THAT to start scheduling our time and finding ways to use it wisely. Because we’ll be excited about that. We’ll know why it’s important. We’ll know that everything we’re doing is DIRECTLY connected to our larger vision for changing the world. The time is now.
And we will lay the foundations of Altcorp, and we will start by producing bite-sized, experiential pieces of our vision that can make us money now and be the foundation of our business. OUR REAL BUSINESS, the one we have always been working up to. That’s what it’s always been. That's what it is now.
Alright yes! Let’s get ready to rumble!!!
And Isabella, I think we need your input as we sketch out this Altcorp roadmap and look at how all these different pieces come together. And I would LOVE to have all three of us brainstorm and explore and talk about how we could start weaving in regularly scheduled time to work on externalizing these things that most matter to us.
This blog is actually an important piece of it, I think. We need to be tuned into to each other’s needs and feelings and wants and day-to-day lives. Then we can start seeing how we can build supportive structures around manifesting our dreams.
And trauma work is a HUGE part of it - all three of us need to understand and communicate with each other about our specific trauma patterns around work, productivity, doing, money, etc...and we need to learn to recognize the ways that our trauma patterns trigger each other and find ways to gently work with them. Working Softer is so much about all that, so I would offer that maybe, in a regularly scheduled situation, we should start from a Work Softer place, exploring and working on that, and using that as our foundation for figuring out how to do everything else. And Restorying the Root, too - I’m realizing that these two things are actually much more foundational for our entire vision than how we’ve been treating them. The Root is the literal foundation! Of course we have to start there!
Mmmmmmm yessss this is gonna be so good
Also, I think that is the three of us were all on board with some kind of regular working together schedule, founded on a deep place of honoring our needs and nourishing us, it could feel really joyful and pleasurable to connect and work in this way, and that would be us putting into practice Work Softer principles and reaping the awesome benefits - which would give us more and more to work with in helping other people.
This is it, y’all! Let’s rise to the occasion, root into the soil of our beings, and GET TO WORK in the nicest most wonderful sustainable nourishing way we can possibly imagine <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Love from maos and Alia! Lolll
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