Doing a little journaling, grounding with the triangle

ahhhhhhh! Coming off of the Ritual as Justice, cultural somatics class. Just feeling so many things. Grounding

savoring it, feeling drawn to move into this space, to continue the community. Virtual community!

I am having an amazing feeling/relation with virtual community right now, that I have to explore both to revel in the awe of it, and also understand it since it is something I would love to create sometime for restorying the root but even so much more.

This was the first online course I have ever taken and I am thankful it was this one. We started with with really honoring the land, land acknowledgments that lead into a group ritual of moving into our bodies, connecting to the land through the body, recognizing the Earth has a personality (eeee!) recognizing the Earth has a belly (eeee!) and then we talked to her. We were guided to connect with the Mother, and then held a nice long space of loving her, recognizing her, honoring her, and being just where we were in our unique relation with her, and holding loving relation with that.

I saw her just as I saw her last night working with KH and SK, as a giant eye staring back at me, receiving me as I had cried out her own pain, our collective pain, and then I shared that with KH, and felt our reciprocal connection. Grounding him, into her, connecting them. It was amazing for me to feel then today seeing her the same way, connecting to her again within me, and grounding with a group of people virtually. People I was sure in my held belief system who are really there, since I see them on a screen. I was like whoa! its just like talking with maos! It is feeling like the same thing. Sharing this virtual space in a somatic way. I felt I was connecting and grounding my experiences with maos, into this group class, centered all around community care, ancestral wellness, with a lens of social justice and somatic wisdom. Felt so beautiful. I could sense everyone also rooting into the earth together in this virtual class, and we talked about the cultural bodies. All of these different cultural bodies, being really one body, but split up divided, relating to one another as they evolved, creating different attachment styles. It felt so beautiful to hear this perspective of cultural bodies relating to one another via this lens of poly vagal theory, it felt hopeful then that our cultural body, pushing pulling on one another, in all of our ancestral baggage could resolve. I felt this because it was happening in this ritual container in this group. And my desire I have had for so long, of being in a community of like minded being, but coming from so many different patterns, were coming together sharing space. amazed still to feel community, in a virtual space..and how it feels so connected to the astral community I hold with maos.

We talked about the peaks and valleys of spiritual experiences. I am learning a lot! PDR patterns, how they are in everything, this cycling, and how when we understand it better, we begin to develop the skills to to balance our inspiration and heightened peak experiences, into the mundane. A juicy class, we looked at this in our inner lives, personal relations, and then in terms of social justice. Which felt really healing to the collective body, helped break some of these patterns of self hatred, insecure attachment with my ancestors, with this whole culture into one of saying oh ok, I can digest this, we as a culture are learning to digest our experiences. I was even feeling it dip into April's Harter's perspective...this class helped me fan out, and ground in, to radical work about healing through all of the lenses that are all really connected. I think because we were set up, and held to feel the under laying connection of all of us, of all things. Still taking it in...

Feeling good about our work. At first I was worried about taking the class, because it is so similar to so much I want to offer and how I see things or how we have together dreamed up restorying the root.. I mean in the mediation we even even felt our roots, imagining us as a forest, all connecting, and connecting to the larger bodies that hold us, and the Earth, like maos...I was worried about comparing and contrasting myself, and where I am, not feeling ready to offer my gifts or presence publicly, feeling inadequate, but I did not feel that. I felt so happy to be held, I felt validated, recognized, I felt my relationship with community being healed, I feel healing. I just feel healing, and it feels really good.It feels so good to feel someone else hold space for me, and to just...heal. To know what it is like to just....receive and be held. And it is not something I feel very used to.

Most of the time in kinds of workshops, I feel its hard to relax and just receive, let myself be guided, something in me the teacher/facilitator in me is vigilant. As if it is hard to trust others holding space for me. It feels like that any time I get body work as well, the times where I have let my guard down, i have bee touched in ways that that over stimulated my body, and the healer/ body worker did not know what to do. I dont know the way this class was facilitated, welcomed our bodies wisdom and broke up teacher/student facilitator/ attendee in such a way I just felt present and open. Seen even when I was not exactly, recognized even when I was getting no validation from anyone else there....savoring it..going huh...just so happy to receive that modeled back to me and feeling inspired. But also just...still happy to receive it. Some day in my peaks and valleys of evolution I will rise to feel ok now its time and I feel I want to hold space, I feel I want to do workshops, I want to be a teacher, I am ready. And I am meeting that person, that me in time right now simply by receiving a good teaching in a held community. ahh yes.

I am in such a yin space just..in my life evolution, it can be hard to see myself as a teacher, or even working in alt corp. It has been hard to relate to, I do not feel I am holding this fire yang, externalized, yes I want this energy, And that is ok right now. And that is what is so important in this triangle, in our group, in our relations with maos, in our different modes of being and placement in the wholearchy. We do not all have to hold that, we are all perfectly holding what we need to as we relate in group. That is also what I am learning in cultural somatics, the beauty of the individual and the group and group dynamics. And it makes me feel like right now..wow we as a group in this blog are holding a nucleus..and holding it with different maos as well, coming together, exchanging our seed information, creating some heat movement, and starting to grow, then we are going to start magnetizing more people, more energy...when it is time..when we have the capacity to hold it. And I kind of feel like ya'll are really holding that down as well, starting to externalize and magnetize community, holding this fire with maos, holding the dream of alt corp. And then you drew me, and I am feeling totally gelled. We have been synthesizing for a while now, growing up together, gestating.

And the Earth is getting ready I can feel it. This course I am taking only proves it to me as well, oh people are getting ready, we got the healers and seers, sensitive on it, we got the community builders, activists on it, we are all starting to work together now as the world systems crumble. Oh Alt corp is bigger than we know, its happening in many bodies all over the world, maybe our offering will be an out cropping of it, that draws people but then we may find somewhere in the world another out cropping and then another and they will all start growing together, all start weaving together into a new culture. That is what I am feeling right now. And it is really helping me, become closer to maos, helping their energy bridge into the mother, which is not always easy, she does not always want it, we have to work on consent, but we are shifting those old patterns of hurt, and failure, even from other world systems we have evolved from..and we are picking up speed. Finally making that secure attachment between the energy of the spiritual wholearchy, its kittens and the Mother, the Earth plane, the devic kingdom, finally we are learning to work together, and finally we are picking this Earth up moving it into its new cycle. And that feels GOOD!

ok that was my rant, connecting my womb, my heart, my evolving throat center, my mind my soul to this work, this group and to our evolving work together in the form of alt corp :)

Also feeling so excited to integrate this cultural somatic work with the esoteric wisdom passed down from maos, to humanity via HPB and other kittens. This held knowing/framework of the evolution of the world/humanity. Excited to work more with maos in integrating it and making it available in a new way, externalizing it again in a way that is more palpable for our times, maybe further grounding it, weaving into human consciousness. Yay! And most of all integrating it with the Mother in a way that really feels good to Her, and really nourishes the connection with our bodies.