I think we need to resolve the inner powerlessness we each feel in different ways, if we are to bring out the power we hold.
So how do we resolve our inner places of powerlessness? Where do we feel powerless, in our bodies / minds / inner spaces?
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Alia & I have been talking about what we want to bring to our conversation on ritual embodiment next week, and we wanted to share some of our inquiries:
How do we root into our power and find balance in our selves as we respond to what is happening in the world? How do we do our work at this time?
What's blocking us from being able to root into our power, right now?
What are we attached to that is preventing us from centering and rooting?
Some of the things coming up for us:
T: "Carrying without controlling." The fearful part that wants to control what happens, how I show up, the impact I have, how I'm seen. Not trusting that I'm already in my power is taking me away from being centered in it.
So how do we trust that we don't have to force or control how we show up?
How do we carry everything that we feel responsible for, and the work, without trying to control it?
(Maybe a ritual of releasing control, rooting in self-trust...)
A: What I'm attached to that blocks me is the feeling of safety from dissociating. From not being here, not being in my power, not manifesting my full self. That way I don't have to deal with the responsibility of standing in my power and the impact that has on the world. This has a lot to do with being sick and just not having the energy to field the world's reactions to my real self, which were really violent in my childhood, so I ended up shutting down a lot of things in me so I wouldn't have to deal with more coming at me from the world than I had energy for.
A lot of the solution to that is trauma healing, so that dealing with the world doesn't trigger so much baggage and therefore take so much energy to process. Some of it is physical healing, which I've been doing, which makes more energy available to me. And it's also about...letting go of perfectionism, of the idea that I can only manifest my power if I do it in the perfect way that won't get me hurt. In that sense, it's also about control. Control so that I'll be safe, trying to control others' behavior towards me by controlling myself in certain ways and toward certain ends. But that always ends up backfiring, because when I'm not standing in my power, I'm more vulnerable and unsteady than ever.
It's also not about me. I think there's something actually very liberating about that statement, when it's coming from a place of inner peace and not self-abandonment. And I think as I heal my trauma I'll be able to come from that place more and more. Decentering myself from the idea of standing in my power, in a healthy way - recognizing that I want to stand in my power so that I can serve, so that I can be a conduit for divine power to manifest, which is so much bigger than me. And I have to take good care of myself and love myself in order to be in synchrony with that power and live into my heart's desire, which is to see love and liberation rain down on earth. And standing in my power is a part of that, not an isolated event.
~~~
**ALSO those of us with privilege have been unconsciously centering ourselves in/with power that isn't ours (!!). And that's traumatic in itself. The answer isn't to center our guilt and remain off balance - that doesn't serve anyone. The answer is to heal that ugly imbalance and come into our real power, so we can let go of what isn't rightfully ours and come into what is.
So how do we de-center ourselves from the idea of standing in our power?
How do we address these inner power imbalances, and come into our real power?
I'm excited for us to talk about and ritual~ around these inquiries (and more from you Isabella!).
Also to keep working with these things in the various groups we're gonna be part of! (I just joined a small cohort of Asian-American friends gathering weekly for the next while to process / learn about / heal anti-Blackness together. And you two are gonna do the April Harter coaching thing. Yay!)
<3
Notes on grounding into power
ReplyDeletePowerlessness
it is the feeling of powerlessness that also drives my need to create from a place of instability. An urgency to make shoots arise from my tubers of darkness. In a sense all is working well, I feel catalyzed to grow and take action. But I must root in my power so that I may flower.
Powerless for me brings up the feeling of being unable. Like I have some kind of inability to be, feel or appear as an ideal of power that I am familiar with or that has been conditioned into me. Recognizing that helps me to release that pressure and judgment and grow from where I am, and recognize power actually is right where I am, as I am. Recognizing this helps me align with appropriate action within the present, and within my capacity.
So a lot of the time what is blocking me from my power is internalized ablism.
What helps me is feeling ok what is the appropriate movement right now, and what is behind this movement. Grounding in my power and aligning to my truth are inseparable to me. And that feels like getting really clear about what I am really drawn to what I am repelled from, even if it is subtle, and watching out if I am making actions from guilt. Sometimes, even recently I have acted from guilt, wanting to do what I thought was good and loving, but when those ideas are not aligned with how I feel...like if i am drawn to do what I think is the right good thing to do it back fires and destabilizes me too
yeah being sincerely honest and letting go of perfectionism coming from fear helps me root into truth and power.
I am trying to come up with a good question to like:
ReplyDeletewhat do I need in this moment to align with my power in a healthy balanced way?
What is healthy action right now for me to align and root in my power?
And remembering that right action can be so many things. Like in this uprising right action for some could be out on the streets protesting, or sharing information, or going under the covers to just feel it all and focus on self care. And with moving in truth and the just right action in the moment we have to recognize and release shame for what our needs may really be. And there can be so many meta levels of shame, like shame for not knowing our truth and power, shame for having trauma that may prevent us from knowing it sometimes. Shame definitely diminishes are power, because that energy harbors non acceptance for what is and what needs to move. Feeling how important containers of compassion are to really accept the where we are, what is coming up and how we need to move to come into balance.
Also what is power to you?
power to me has to do with impact. How impactful is this on the nervous system. So again sometimes power can be laying down and resting for three hours, and that profound stillness can have a powerful impact on the nervous system it is appropriate action for someone. Or power can be taking an action so charged that there is catalyzing collective action! And it is never just one person that is catalyzing or wielding that trigger into collective action there is actually a movement of people. ( and actually M showed me this one time when he showed me the power he has is also held and organized within his entire ashram, he may be a focal point or a leader holding it all but this power is really a whole system of bodies) and I think is true for every powerful person, they are deeply connected to a stronghold of unified movement. But with that again I think that power is very versatile in how it expresses. And healthy power, that I would think creates a healthy impact on the nervous system is most likely going to be aligned with what is optimal in the moment, what is actually needed.
notes on unconsciously centering ourselves with power that is not ours
ReplyDeleteI think this is really interesting. And I have been seeing that happen lately when people take on the rage of the black community. Rage is very impactful and powerful, especially if it has been building for 400 years. And when I see white people centering with that rage power i see them becoming agitators creating more harm for the movement then help. Centering their voices and themselves and oppressing the voices of POC. And also fetishizing someone else's emotional power without doing any of any emotional labor themselves, just having no right to it, rising it and taking it.
In that situation I feel like the people holding white privilege in order to really support that powerful movement of BLM would be listening, receiving and respecting the emotional power. I think that could lead to a healthier dynamic where that power feels held and supported to keep moving and transforming.