Planting seeds in the dark...

It doesn't feel so much like a beginning, as a continuation, a deepening perhaps. We three have been feeling into the dark for so many years. And now in the middle of collective crisis, it's like more of the world is feeling into that darkness with us.

It feels important, and helpful, to do some documenting. Both for our own purposes, so we can mark our journeys in these realms that are both ordinary and esoteric, in a slightly more externalized way (perhaps this is part of my own answer for building the other half of my longing bridge, see below). And also for some kind of posterity, if only to show other kittens later on as they come into our community and wake up to maos and the Plan. I'm definitely feeling inspired by other kittens, like Machaelle Small Wright documenting her days in Dancing, and even early TS cats keeping journals.

I invite us to be as poetic / informal / material / mystical as we want to be, as feels right. Please feel free to share your thoughts too, on what this project means for you or might look like. <3

Meanwhile, this is what I wrote last night, which spurred this whole idea:

Today was a typical quarantine day - quiet, disquiet, full of moments of ease, and doubt, and dread, and presence. More productive than others. Worked softly and let things flow without an agenda. Reading about Ged and Arren sailing into the unknown, seeking death.* Missed my mao. Sought the bridge - the other half of my longing.** Tended the early planting of community, of our gathering body of work. Texted some loved ones. Managed fearful news / social media intake. Ingredients are complete for galette, now.***

*I'm rereading the whole Earthsea series by Ursula K. Le Guin, and am on The Farthest Shore

**My mao talked to me the other day about how my longing has been incomplete, and I've been attached to the feeling of longing without letting it keep moving through to reach what I actually want. This is tangled up in my trauma story that says I can't have what I need. So now I'm trying to "build the other half of the bridge", in his words.

***I've been gathering the ingredients to make this blackberry cheesecake galette for over a week. Finally braved the grocery lines yesterday one more time and got butter.

<3 Tessa